There is no one-size-fits-all way to create a happy life. What makes life happy is different for everyone, so it makes sense that there’s no blueprint for how to get there. That’s why we can follow all the rules, check all the boxes we’re told we should, and still find ourselves unhappy and unfulfilled.
If this happened to you, don’t feel bad about it – it’s not your fault! We’re trained from a young age to look to others for direction, to follow the rules and to do what we’re told in order to get what we want.
Because of that, we forget that we have so many of the answers we’re looking for inside. That we can turn inward to figure out what we need, what’s missing, and what we want to do instead of looking externally to try to figure that out.
This is why generally things such as meal plans, exercise routines, and any other *outcome*-in-a-box programs don’t work for most people, at least not in the long term.
No one's life is the same, no one is starting from the same place, and no one's goals are exactly the same. Yet these plans ignore that fact and pretend that one way will work for everyone. Like there's just one 'right' way to do things.
I get it though. I spent the first part of my life trying to follow the rules – with the exception of my teen years, during which I was just a rebel without a cause. But as a child and for most of my mature adult years, I let everyone tell me what I should do in order to feel happy and successful.
And the result?
I didn’t feel either of those things, but I thought I should, so I pretended. I just stayed on the path and kept checking boxes, waiting for those good feelings to show up.
Along the way, I lost sight of who I was and what I wanted, and I kept looking to others to tell me what to do differently to fix things, which only got me more and more lost.
But what I really needed to do was to figure out what it was that I wanted, create my own path to get there, and connect with my inner guidance to allow it to help me make choices that were right for me.
As I started to question the rules and how I thought things should be, as I accepted that I was meant to do something different with my life, that’s when everything opened up for me.
I broke out of my box and saw nothing but endless possibilities for who I could be and what I could create.
The life that I have now and what I’m continuing to create isn’t right for everyone, but it’s right for me, and it’s beyond what I ever could’ve imagined years ago when I was just following the rules.
If this resonates with you, but you aren't sure how to change things for yourself, start with looking at what areas in your life you're feeling bound to how you 'should' or 'shouldn't' do things.
Are there areas that you want something different, but you just keep doing what you’ve always done or what everyone else does or expects from you?
Recognize that these are the areas that you’re limiting yourself based on the rules of the world.
I then like to ask myself these questions, to figure out how to break that rule following mentality:
- Why am I doing this or doing it this way?
- Who says this is the right way?
- Is that even true?
- What is the ideal outcome for me in this situation?
- What do I really want to do here? What action feels right for me?
Start small. You don’t have to blow your whole life up to start creating the change you really desire, and you don’t have to do the opposite of everything you’ve been told to do.
You just have to figure out where what you’re doing doesn’t feel aligned or authentic for you, and start slowly steering yourself back to what feels right for you.
You got this!
And know that this is what I help my clients with. I don’t tell them what to do, and how, in order to create a life they love. I don’t have the answers for them.
But I help them hone that skill of listening to themselves to figure out what they really want in life and find the way to get there that works for their unique personality and life.
Of course I have tools, tricks and strategies that can help them along the way, but I don’t push these things on them. I offer what might be useful to them and let them decide to take it or not.
The most important thing that I do is I help them discover what it is they want and what it takes for them to get there from where they are now. I help them identify the obstacles keeping them from getting there and find ways to break through those obstacles. I hold the vision for who they’re becoming and what they want in their life. And I keep them focused and moving forward towards that vision, supporting them when it gets hard and they feel stuck.
